How to Help With Homework Without Doing It for Your Child

How helping turns into doing

It happens a little at a time. You read the question aloud, then you explain it, then you show the first step. Doing it yourself is quicker, and watching a child struggle is hard at the end of a long day.

But a neat page in your handwriting hides the one step your child could not manage, which is what the teacher most needs to see. How you help may matter more than how much. A 2024 review in the Spanish psychology journal Psicothema pooled 28 studies, and the one kind of parent help that went with better results was help that left the child in charge.

Answer with a question

When your child gets stuck, reply with a question instead of the answer. The questions below keep the thinking with your child, and they work in almost any subject. Give a hint only when the questions have run out, and then step back again.

Say this instead

1. 1Your child says, "I can't do it."

   Ask: "What have you tried so far?"

   1. Your child says, "I can't do it."

   Answer: Ask: "What have you tried so far?"

2. 2Your child says, "I don't get any of it."

   Ask: "Which part is confusing? Can you point to it?"

   2. Your child says, "I don't get any of it."

   Answer: Ask: "Which part is confusing? Can you point to it?"

3. 3Your child pushes the page towards you.

   Ask: "Can you show me your first step?"

   3. Your child pushes the page towards you.

   Answer: Ask: "Can you show me your first step?"

4. 4Your child asks, "Is this right?"

   Ask: "How could you check it?"

   4. Your child asks, "Is this right?"

   Answer: Ask: "How could you check it?"

5. 5Your child says, "Just tell me the answer."

   Say: "Let's find it together. What do you need to find out?"

   5. Your child says, "Just tell me the answer."

   Answer: Say: "Let's find it together. What do you need to find out?"

One word problem, three questions before any hint

Sit nearby, not at their elbow

Sit at the other end of the table with your own cup of tea. It tells your child you are within reach, and that the page belongs to them. Keep your hands off the pencil: once it is in your hand, the work is yours.

Habits to drop

Try not to fix every mistake before the page goes back. One wrong answer is useful news for the teacher. Try not to teach your own method if it clashes with what the class is doing. And stop when the work is done, even if there is more you could teach.

When the homework is simply too hard

Sometimes good questions are not enough, because the work is beyond what your child can do yet. That is not a failure on your part. It is something the teacher needs to hear about.

Send a short note that describes what happened rather than what you think is wrong, such as: "My child tried for twenty minutes and could not start question three." If the struggle carries on for weeks, ask for a short chat with the teacher.

Next time your child says "I can't do it", ask "What have you tried so far?" and wait for the answer.